knightscrest:

if u have a crush on me i have one question: what made u lower ur standards so much

(via orgasm)

296,822 notes

striderkid:

dokidoki-artichokee:

hamburgurl:

1 universe, 9 planets, 7 seas, 7 continents, 809 islands, 204 countries, and I had the unfortunate luck of meeting u

THERE ARE 8 PLANETS, YOU UNCULTURED SWINE.

VIVA LA PLUTO FUCK YOU

(Source: hashtaglmao, via phobias)

723,607 notes

meladoodle:

rodneykong:

if she’s even able to walk after sex you didnt do it right

yeah you’re supposed to cut her legs off 

(via phobias)

555,014 notes

awmailk:

Justin Bieber’s lawyer probably

image

image

(Source: alienfucks, via phobias)

251,461 notes

churchofsterek:

gallifreyslocked:

when i was in year 5, i did a speech on clumsiness for my school’s public speaking contest and to be clever, i tripped on my way to the stage dropping my note cards all over the place, but then i pulled the real ones out of my pocket saying ‘if you’re going to be clumsy, it pays to be prepared!’

everyone lost their shit and i got second place

If you got second place who got first… Did they talk about fire safety and burn the stage down or something

(Source: thewinterswidow, via phobias)

259,717 notes

dickdickdickdickdickdickdickdick:

"how to perfect the natural, no makeup look"

step 1. you will need these 27 cosmetic products

(via phobias)

341,111 notes

coolscar:

somebody told me that you made a text post that looked like a text post i made in february of last year

(via orgasm)

39,332 notes

akanedee:

if you ever call me annoying, even if it’s just jokingly, the chances of me ever speaking to you again are slim to none because I’ll be so afraid that every little word or sound that comes out of my mouth will aggravate you and make you cringe and hate my existence

(via orgasm)

625,846 notes

deadlyspoons:

I either dress like im going to a red carpet event or like im a homeless drug addict there is no in between

(Source: whitedad, via phobias)

607,777 notes